TFP: Welcome to the TFP kitchen. Today we are going to make French Toast.
EVERYONE: Yeah! We're so happy to be here and watch you make this delicious dish. We like eating but we are also very interested in watching the cooking process and being part of it.
POOJAM: French Toast is fine for some but donut holes are way better for throwing at each other. Make donut holes instead.
TFP: We may get to donut holes later but for now we are making French Toast. We'll start with these eggs.
EVERYONE: OOOOooooo those are xtra large and beautiful.
POOJAM: We could throw those you know if you'd let us....
JAX: I've said it before and I'll say it again TFP are among the FINEST developers on the planet. I've ALWAYS respected Joel's vision and these eggs we see before us now are a PERFECT example of that.
*** TFP proceeds to crack six eggs open and dump the contents into a bowl***
SOME: Woah! We loved those eggs and now they're broken! Why, TFP, Why!?!?!
JAX: I hate to bring up criticism but the direction that these broken shells on the countertop CLEARLY show is a direction I can no longer support. It truly is SAD when developers make these sorts of decisions. Maintaining unbroken eggs is clearly more difficult than all-ready broken eggs.
TFP: Guys, we broke the eggs because we are going to blend them up in this brand new blender we upgraded to and we wouldn't want shells mixed in with the yummy eggy parts.
EVERYONE: Coooool Blender! And yes we understand that you had to break some eggs to make your French Toast. Blend away!
JAX: FAITH RESTORED! Perhaps I was a bit hasty in my early remarks but it is only because THIS breakfast and THESE chefs are my favorites!
TFP: Okay, now take a look at this milk we have coming out of the fridge!
EVERYONE: OOOOooooooo that milk looks so cold and tasty.
POOJAM: I can already predict that TFP is stupidly NOT going to let us squirt it at each other!
TFP: Okay, there isn't going to be any milk squirting today but watch this...
*** TFP pours the milk into the blended eggs ***
SOME: EWWWWW! Milk and Raw Eggs mixed together?!?! How is that delicious? We thought there was going to be oreo dunking and what dev in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to dunk an oreo into an egg/milk mixture. Its all ruined!
GRONK: Some bipolar dev can't help himself to just wreck something just as it is brought out in perfect form.
JAX: The writing is DEFINITELY on the wall. Who wants to drink EGGMILK? It doesn't take someone going into a donut shop and ordering some milk to know how they like to drink milk. ALL FAITH LOST that TFP will be going in the right direction now.
TFP: The milk wasn't for drinking. We mix it with the eggs and add some cinnamon and a bit of nutmeg and use it as a dip for the next ingredient so we can cook up our French Toast. Now look at this nice big loaf of Texas Toast bread slices.
EVERYONE: OOOOOOOooooo that is some thick bread you got there Madmole!
****Five pages of double entrendres ensue****
POOJAM: TFP is only showing bread at this point to distract all you sheep from the fact that French Toast is boring and bland!
JAX: This makes so much SENSE now that we understand that the eggmilk wasn't to be drunk. I see so many more possibilities ahead for what can be done with such a mixture OTHER than drinking. TFP shows their GENIUS again!
***TFP dips a slice of bread into the mixture***
SOME: Uh....that bread is kinda soggy. Seems pretty gross. TFP expects us to eat soggy eggy bread? THIS is what they call "toast"?
JAX: For YEARS now I've contributed various toppings to enhance the breakfast TFP has been working on. Mrs Ravenhearst Syrup is WIDELY regarded as one of the best enhancements to french toast but I just can no LONGER support this continual development process of one step forward and TWO STEPS BACK. The cooked french toast we had last week was WAY better than this sloppy soggy mess in front of us.
TFP: Well, hang on because we have the griddle warming up still over here....
tldr: There really is a difference between not getting it and grokking the development process and letting things play out without over-reacting to each and every step of the way. Sure, you can give whatever version of feedback you want to give but it gets pretty comical.
/condescending +20