So, basically challenge runs

But with that in mind, it's sorta even more confusing:
First you described other players wanting to loot mailboxes for progress.
Then you made a comment about your slower progress; which sounded like you're "choosing not to loot mailboxes, since you're already up to the task".
But now you're saying you'd be lucky having even poor weapons; which means you often feel like you're behind the curve, while still not looting mailboxes..?
Is this some subvariant of masochism, or do you just hate the mailboxes?