Yeah... It's frustrating. Some people seem not even to realize they're open for all but strugle with chat, that happened to me a while ago. Tried to explain it on PSN directly to the guy that just jumped on and followed like a puppy but it just didn't work due to privacy settings. Had to close my game and then switch to offline, can imagine poor guy just felt like you.
But also had it happen to me: Jump on a fresh server, do the best you can to get a few levels in and then suddenly server ends... A few hours wasted.
I hope dedicated servers for console are happening soon, I don't see multiplayer going anywhere for me otherwise.