and it seems no matter what I do once it gets to a certain size it always collpases, and it always seems to start from the clay
Yep, that's how structural integrity is supposed to work. Every block has a "carrying capacity" that tells how far it can go without support without collapsing. For concrete it is iirc 7 blocks, for dirt it's 4 blocks and clay afaik is the same as dirt.
And it can easily cascade, because a falling block probably removes support for the next block, even if the next block would have a better "carrying capacity".
So you can build a "bridge" out of concrete that is 14 blocks wide (without support) by building 7 blocks from the left and 7 blocks from the right and they meet in the middle, but you can't build more then 7 blocks just from one side. You can also build 7 from left and 7 from right with one space in between, it still stands. If you but in the middle block, EVERYTHING collapses, because the middle block is the 8th block from both sides and therefore not supported anymore.
Everything just theory, not exact values... best advice here: Go into singleplayer creative mode and just test it.
(There is also "weight", so it's not recommended to attach a concrete block to a free floating dirt block.... but better test it yourself for exact values)
So to prevent a mine from collapsing, if the "roof" is out of different materials like stone and clay, either put support pillars close enough to each other (max. 4 blocks) OR build a complete layer (or at least a 4x4) grid beneath the "roof" out of material with higher carrying capacity, e.g. concrete.
Or even simpler, don't harvest large empty spaces but mine in long but narrow tunnels (e.g. 3x3) instead.