Oh, yeah that's one of four things, one being very unlikely.
- You have two mismatch sticks of ram (the manufacture date is very important here, as ram is made in... "bins", anything from that bin is the same, but the same exact stick of ram made out of another bin may not be the exact same and won't work together because of that. If you bought them as a pair, it's not this. If they both don't run together anymore without XMP on, then it's likely not this
- The stick that you took out is dying. You can swap your first stick into slot b2 and see if it runs
- The slot on the motherboard is failing (very unlikely but possible)
- The memory controller on the CPU is aging and not able to handle two sticks of ram at set speed. Since it does it without XMP, unlikely, but potentially it's failed to the point where it can't handle two sticks at the same time period
I have been there done that with ram sticks, it's complicated heh
Seems like you narrowed it down though, good thinking!
I'd start with the stick of ram that seems good. Put it in the slot you took the other one out, run it, run it under XMP, see if it crashes. If it doesn't, take the potentially bad stick and put it in the slot the other potentially good stick is in and test. If it doesn't crash then too, then you know it's not the ram anyway.
If your ram is pretty old, you can try upping the voltage. I do not suggest going high at all, and I would suggest doing research (if your ram is RIPJAW, then we have the same, it handles 1.4, but again, different bins different silicon, so they won't be exactly the same). Increments of +0.05 are common to try. As they age, they might need more power to be stable, but, you can also reduce the power, but you will need to reduce the CL and timings. This is where things get stupidly complicated, and I only suggest it if reading books worth of stuff about ram timings sounds interesting to you